Should I tell fiancé about childhood?

I am a really big fan of you Mam and really appreciate the way you tackle all the problems.I am 24 year old girl. My best friend proposed to me a year back , we got engaged and are getting married next year. My fiance is a wonderful person , who respects my decisions , and thus has never forced me into anything . We havent had any physical relation yet, and intend to go for it only after marriage.
But recently , he just started talking about sex , and I was really disgusted and we had a big fight. The problem is : I was “saved” just on time from being sexually molested by my uncle when I was 8. My mother gave me all the emotional support and helped me forget the incident, but I have never been able to overcome that. I feel repulsive of my own body ,and feel that I would never be able to enjoy a healthy sex life. I just want to ask you , that should I tell my fiance about this whole incident ? What if he hates me after that and breaks up with me ? But I also feel that he should know about it and only then make a decision. I am really confused !

Please help !

My reply…..

Hi!

You are feeling that you should discuss this childhood molestation incident with your fiance and there is no harm in doing so at all. In fact, it would give him insights into your supposed aversion towards sex.

No person in his right mind would blame an 8 year old child for a sexual assault on her, so unless he’s a terribly insensitive sort, that is not what you should have to fear.

the thing however, is this aversion you have for sex. That will need to be handled you know and it will be best if, with your mom (who saw you through your childhood trauma) or with your fiance, you see a counsellor about it, who can get the phobia out of your mind and put the act of sex in the right perspective for you.

Sex, you know, is a very important part of married life and you both should enjoy it. For that, if you need some help, well, then, take it. Its best to be prepared for the marriage, in body and mind, isn’t it?


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